Although we try to fight it, we all at some point want and need to get close... to someone...

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I decided a while ago that I did not need you
I did not need you to hold me, to catch me if I slipped
I decided I did not need to hear your promises and dreams for us
Certainly not your “I love yous”
I decided to block you out because it was a lot easier that than getting excited each time you knocked…
But as I sit here and tremble… I long for you
I am now out of my daze and realize I want you!
I want you here, but I can’t bare the pain
I want to love again but it’s all still a blur
I have forgotten how that works
I want to remember what it is to trust
To breathe instead of gasping
Of floating instead of running
I want to open up and give me to you instead of hiding me from you
I will not fear as it may become my reality to be left here to stand alone
So with that said… if you ask nicely, I might say yes and you can have me.

Written by: Danushka Chouloute

 I was carefully crafted~DC







I’LL BE FINE

With both His hands He gave me a heart and made it beat

He breathed air into my lungs and gave me an unshakable soul, so no one could break me

Carefully He touched my head and gave me eyes so I can see right from wrong, truth from deceit

I was whole before I met you, and now that you're gone, I do not feel empty

You are human so no broken words or broken promises surprise me nor do they hurt me

Yes, I was saddened and cried, but God has dried my tears and massaged my heart, the hear that He gave me

What we had was good, it was fun, but it was based on a lie, the fabrication of what I thought we had was obstructed by your smile, pretty eyes and swag, but I can see clearly now

That this was not meant to be

You were not the one He created for me

So, on that note, with that said, I’ll be fine

You can follow the emptiness that you left and leave

You are no longer welcome here

I am standing just fine all on my own.

Written by:  Danushka Chouloute



HAVE YOU EVER ASKED YOUR SELF WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?

I think I speak to most people when I ask this question. We often times find ourselves in difficult and painful situations because of our own actions and lack of trust. Because of the constant need to control our own destiny. Failure to understand that our fate is not really in our hands. We need to let go and let GOD, because when we don’t and if we don’t…Like my brother-in-law tells me all the time “He who can’t hear must feel?” well, in deed we feel and what we feel doesn’t always feel so good.  Unfortunately I have found myself in these situations so many times, too many times and once I realized that I was responsible for the hurt I was feeling…I wrote this poem...

 “I am to blame”

You hurt me but I have myself to blame

I opened the door and let you in

I covered my eyes and ignored the signs

I created my own fantasy so you wouldn’t have to lie to me

I’m to blame for the hurt

I’m to blame for the pain

I’m to blame for the broken pieces that you left behind for me to clean up

Because I looked back after walking away

I am to blame for the tears my heart sheds today

Written by Danushka Chouloute

Defeat builds Character and faith sustains it ~ DC

How far will your faith take you? So often we believe in things that we cannot see. We blindly trust in someone we barely know. We commit to things not knowing the outcome.

I am reminded each day that it is through tough times that we know our strength, it through failures that we find success and through faith that we find direction and the courage to move forward even when we’re not certain of where we’re going.

The bible says in Jeremiah 29: 11-13

¹¹For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

¹²Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.

¹³And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

A few weeks ago while in Toronto, through family members, I met a man with a story. This story was that of his unshakable faith. He shared with us a piece of his story.  A story that all started in a pile of leaves. It was there that his life and his purpose began, where God’s plan for him was revealed. Not knowing, nor understanding, here he was, a five year old boy, playing in a pile of leaves when he heard a voice tell him that he should not stay in Canada, he would return to his home land of Jamaica, have a beautiful wife and many sons.  He felt something powerful come over his body and that is when he realized that there existed something/someone bigger than him. He had not seen where this voice came from but he knew that from this day on someone higher and bigger than him was watching over him and that no matter what adversities, trials and challenges to come his way would be to lead him to where he was supposed to be.  Not knowing, he trusted!

Listening to this man speak I got goose bumps, I was encouraged to hear his journey. It gave me hope, it gave me strength. To hear all that he had to go through, all of the hard times that he faced, being brought up in violence, without tenderness and love. He learned at a very young age what it was to be hungry on the streets to be incarcerated in the name of survival. Through all of it, after all of it he remained faithful; he kept his head up and never asked why, all because of the voice he heard many years go in the pile of leaves.  

Seeing this man today, with his beautiful wife and his beautiful children you know that God’s promise to him was kept and more is to be revealed to him.

This story inspired me to write this poem; I called it… In a pile of leaves.

Weeping day and night for my sadness to end

Not knowing why

Looking around me for a sign

Wishing and praying so hard for a chance to feel the warmth of the sun

Wanting so much to know what joy feels like

Wanting to know what hearing the words I love you feels like

Then it happened

I heard you

You spoke to me…in a pile of leaves

In a pile of leaves I heard you say that I will be ok

In a pile of leaves I saw your face

In a pile of leaves I saw your hand reaching for mine

In a pile of leaves you promised me today and tomorrow

In a pile of leaves you dried my tears and erased my fears

In a pile of leaves you sat by my side and assured me that you will never leave me

In a pile of leaves you said “My son, you will know joy and goodness”

In that very pile of leaves you answered me and carried me

In a pile of leaves I found unconditional love for the very first time

Danushka Chouloute

HOW DO YOU DEFINE LOVE???...

WHAT IS LOVE?

When I think about love, I think about the emotions that it brings to me.  I find myself to be in an estranged place where directions are not too clear. My heart beats fast each time I think about him. When I see him from far coming towards me I can’t wait to have him right next to me. In his arms I feel at home; my pj’s are on and I don’t want to go anywhere. In love, I feel young, and naive, strong yet vulnerable, free yet captive of his existence, certain and at times unsure. I feel like I’ve gone back to school; my hand is up  I have a million and one questions about this life’s lesson, some of which I’ve received answers to right away and others,  I’ve learned on the way.

Love is an emotion that is driven by a dream of falling IN love with that special someone. Love is bitter and it is sweet.  Love is strengthened or weakened by words that are said and by actions taken. Love influences for better or for worst. Love is happy and sad. Love is a promise that for ever does exist. Love is joy and it is pain.  Love has different faces, different voices. Love is powerful; love has a message. Love brings hope and love is faith. Love sits still until it is found.

The dictionary defines love as a strong positive emotion of regard and affection; it can be any object of warm affection or devotion; it is to have a great affection or liking for someone or something like food.  Love is also a feeling of strong attachment induced by that which delights or commands admiration; preeminent kindness or devotion to another; affection; tenderness; as, the love of brothers and sisters.

Mother Teresa once said “We can do no great things, only small things with great love.”

The bible says   “4 Love is patient and kind;
it is not jealous or conceited or proud;
5 love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable;
love does not keep a record of wrongs;
6 love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth.
7 Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.

8 Love is eternal.” 1 Corinthians chapter 13 (4-8)

So when one asks the question what is love?  I think it is safe to say that love is multifaceted.

How do you define L.O.V.E? Tell me... 

Sincerely, 
Danushka C

YOU

               

                               

You’re broken and you don’t even know it.
Your overconfidence blinds you
And you mistake it for sense of self.
You wanna be, but you’re not.
You say you will but you never do.
Your complexity is simple but you confuse it for intelligence
The games you play only play you.
Your sense of reality is fictional
You submerge yourself in a cloudy sky that you call life
Outside you smile, inside you bleed to proud to show you’re weak.
Say it, scream it. “I’m not strong” we won’t judge
All soldiers must fall.
Being a man,
Is saying, I will and you do
Being a man
Is admitting your faults

A man
Fears not asking for mercy
A  man
Accepts defeat
A man
Says I’m sorry
If you met truth face to face; it would fear you
Because you, are not YOU!

By: Danushka Chouloute

My gentle giant

From the first sound of your voice, I started to imagine

From the first verse of the poem that you read to me; I was putty in your hands

Even from a distance, you had me

With each conversation we entertained

With each breath I heard over the phone

I anticipated our first encounter, our first tête à tête

From our first hello at the pick up spot

To the last goodbye at the drop off spot

This I remember, I long, I miss:

The sound of your laugh

The intensity of your stare

The feeling of your chest against mine

The feeling of the whole of your hands on the entire of my body

Your sweat dancing with mine

Your breath on my neck and mine on yours

You saying my name and me saying yours

I remember, I long, I miss:

The explosion of anticipation

Written by: Danushka Chouloute